- Member for
- 3 years 9 months
So it was 30 years ago this summer when I unknowingly set off a magical chain of events that would transform me from an unwashed lonely guy living on beanie-weenies and sugar sandwiches into an occasionally clean-shaven, happy, contented family man. That fantastical journey contained more tortuous twists and turns than a West Duluth bike trail, but fortunately for me, all the connections were made, all the easements were granted and my personal passage crossed I-35 without a hitch.
So if you’re anything like me, you’re cheap, bald, and wear enough body spray to knock the french fries out of a seagull’s beak...but you also love a good joke. Like this one: How many times can WDSM announcers pronounce the words “associates,” “statistics” and “Saskatchewan” before their listeners must towel themselves off, despite it being a radio broadcast? Actually, it’s a trick question. There aren’t any words a WDSM announcer can pronounce. Here’s another rib-tickler for you to ponder: Why are Duluth streets like the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life”?
So I was taking that long walk down the short pier of my memory the other day, causing a smile to crack across my face quicker than a pothole popping up on Michigan Street. (If you saw me in the downtown skywalk that day, that was the reason for my goofy grin. If you saw me at Cub Foods later in the day, however, it was the overripe avocados — I love ‘em squishy. But, as usual, I digress...) The reason for my beaming, as it so often is, was my daughter, Kaylee. I was reminiscing about a few years back when she was younger and we’d spend quality time together, playing games and having fun.
So your family probably has a cherished moment that signals the arrival of spring. It could be your neighborhood Dairy Queen opening up, offering a respite from dreary spring blizzards with delicious spring Blizzards. Maybe it’s the annual Running Down of the Skunks on Grand Avenue, filling West Duluth with that unmistakable aroma that lingers ‘til Christmas.
So as we continue to slog through this lethargic, plodding, never-ending drudgery called winter, we can be heartened by one thing: At least we’re not living in Proctor. Oops, forgot the disclaimer ... PROCTOR RESIDENTS. PLEASE SKIP THE OPENING PARAGRAPH AND BEGIN READING THIS WEEK’S COLUMN HERE. THANKS AND SEE YOU AT KARAOKE! It’s March! And the winter that put the “crush” in “soul-crushing” is almost ready to be tossed and forgotten like a back issue of Duluth-Superior Magazine.
So my arm’s throbbing, my thumb is scabbed over and my neck is as stiff as the combined upper lips of the entire cast of “Downton Abbey.” Nope, I didn’t participate in any sort of Twin Ports weekend winter activity like blasting ice chunks off my porch or shoveling Chris Christie’s weight in snow; these ailments of mine are all due to theater. I just finished up a run of playing the title role in Macbeth for Wise Fool Shakespeare and, other than a short stint as Pat Kelly’s personal skull shiner, it was the most physically demanding part I’ve ever performed.
So this past week was crazy busy, what with the robotics competition at the DECC (I defeated R2-D2 in charades, but lost the karaoke contest to Mr. Roboto), the launch of my new line of Fruits That Resemble Duluth City Councilors (embarrassingly, I picked the Joel Sipress too early), and loading up all the snow in downtown Duluth and bringing it to Channel 3 where it will never be seen again. In fact, I was so busy I missed my self-imposed deadline for this week’s Budgeteer column. Luckily, I’ve been squirreling away some Random Thoughts for just such an occasion.
So I’m not known for being a “working” actor, or even an “actor” for that matter, although I do have a bit of a “reputation” as “someone” who “knows” how to use “quotation marks.” Despite all that, I decided to take on a theatrical challenge as enormous and scary as Rush Limbaugh’s lower colon: performing the title role in Shakespeare’s Macbeth. Now I know what you’re probably thinking. “Why would Rush Limbaugh’s lower colon be scary?” Keep up, people! We’ve moved on to talking about tackling the third most famous character in all of Shakespeare’s plays.
So last week I was in Hibbing serving in my new capacity as the assistant speech coach for Hermantown, which I mention in the most non-braggiest way possible, although that’s hard to do as our team did win the Hibbing Heartbreaker speech meet and does feature a captivating, hilarious Creative Expression speaker who is so good she’ll make you put socks on just to knock them back off again and who happens to share my last name, which she probably wishes she didn’t because it gets butchered worse than a glacier chunk at a one-armed ice-carving tournament every time she gets called up to the stage
So another professional football season has wrapped up and, once again, the Minnesota Vikings did not win the Super Bowl.