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My predictions totally came true ... almost

Photo: Wikipedia

So, it's Christmas. Time to surround yourself with loving family, not only because they're special people whom you want to be around, but also for the body heat. I mean, who needs to buy thermal underwear when Uncle Chester snugs up next to you? The man sweats like a blast furnace.

Christmas not only provides you a chance to take advantage of ... uh, I mean, SPEND QUALITY TIME with family, but it's also an opportunity for soul-searching and reflection on the previous year. Did you do everything you could in 2016 to be a better person? Were you a source of inspiration for your community of friends and neighbors to help them reach their full potential? And, most importantly, were you able to correctly guess how many Duluth forecasts the local TV weather people would get right?

Well, I've been sorting through the pockets of my 2016 Prediction Pants and, as usual, I rocked my annual prognostications. For example, I wrote down "One" for the aforementioned local TV weather people question, so I was only off by one.

Check out the rest of my 2016 Predictions. Eerily accurate ...

CHUCK HORTON WILL TAKE OVER AS DULUTH MAYOR.

You'll note I didn't say it had to be in the real world. In Chuck's mind, he's the best mayor we've ever had.

MONSTERS WILL INVADE THE TWIN PORTS.

KISS concert in Duluth. Donald Trump in Superior. Nailed it.

SOMEONE IS GOING TO SPOIL THE NEW STAR WARS MOVIE FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

Won't be me. I'm not the kind of guy who reveals that Luke Skywalker and Han Solo did whatever was necessary to stay warm on the frozen ice planet of Hoth.

LUKE SKYWALKER AND HAN SOLO WILL BECOME BROADWAY CHOREOGRAPHERS.

THAT WAS AMAZING! DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING AT ALL!!

JAY FOSLE'S GOATEE WILL BECOME ENSHRINED IN THE DULUTH CITY FACIAL HAIR HALL OF FAME.

And you thought he shaved it off. Nope, it's hanging in the back of council chambers, in between John Fedo's five o'clock shadow and Don Ness' eight year's worth of peach fuzz.

That's the last scrap of paper hiding in this year's Prediction Pants, so until December 2017, I'll see you ... uh oh, wait a second. Found one more.

THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS WILL EASILY MAKE THE PLAYOFFS.

*sigh*

Better change my "Nostradamus" vanity plate ...

This year’s Rubber Chicken holiday show is "The Cursed Nobel, or, I Saw Dylan Dissing Santa Claus.” There are three performances left: 7:30 p.m. Dec. 30 and 31, plus a 2 p.m. matinee on New Year’s Eve. Call (218) 213-2780 for tickets.

Brian Matuszak

Brian Matuszak is the founder of Rubber Chicken Theater and invites you to follow him and his theater company on Twitter at twitter.com/rchickentheater, like them on Facebook at Rubber Chicken Theater and visit their website at RubberChickenTheater.com.

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