Halloween costume ideas, 2016 edition
So temperatures are plummeting faster than Tic Tac stock, which can only mean one thing: Halloween is right around the corner. Or Donald Trump is on the bus. Either way ... scary times!
This is a hectic time of year and you've got enough to do — blowing leaves onto your neighbor's lawn before she gets home from work, sandblasting the icky feeling off your soul from this year's election season, trying to memorize every current member of the Duluth City Council so you know who to blame when the new "service" fees are enacted — so the last thing you want to worry about is your Halloween costume. OK, I guess death, taxes and Uncle Russell's Netflix obsession might be a few more things you'd rather put on the back burner, but the fact remains, you still need a costume. So allow me to help with my Annual Twin Ports Halloween Costume Ideas, 2016 Edition!
• Dressing up as a doctor and/or nurse is always a fun costume idea for Halloween and this year, that outfit serves double duty as you could also be on the coaching staff of the Minnesota Vikings.
• Paint yourself a bright, obnoxious color, then stand behind people while making crazy sounds. You're Creepy Clown! (Note: this costume also works for Creepy Donald Trump.)
• Go to Menards, buy an air compressor and a rain slicker. Put on the slicker then stick the compressor down the back of your pants. Wait 12 hours and voila! Giant Inflatable Rubber Duck!
• Cover yourself in slime. Giant Inflatable Rubber Duck Owner! (Note: this costume also works for Creepy Donald Trump.)
• If you'd like to attend a fancy soiree dressed up as Duluth Mayor Emily Larson, simply wrap yourself in flowery scarves and strap high-beam flashlights to your teeth. If you'd like to attend that same soiree as Former Duluth Mayor Don Ness, don't go, but tell everyone you were there. (Invisible Man.)
• Looking for a naughty costume that's also educational? Put on a short skirt of Elizabethan paper, then roll around in the dust. Breathlessly toss off "thee" and "forsooth" every once in awhile ... Sexy First Folio!
• For a multi-layered costume, put on a Donald Trump mask to start the evening. When things get too disgusting, pull it off to reveal your Mike Pence mask. When things start getting even more disgusting, pull that off to reveal your Barnyard Pig mask. When that gets way too disgusting, go sit in the locker room for the rest of the night.
Brian would like to wish everyone a Happy Halloween! May your jack-o-lanterns be filled with chocolate and none of your candy bars have nuts.