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Parade needs more pizazz

So I heard that the West Duluth Memorial Day parade may not happen next year due to a significant price increase in Tootsie Rolls. To offset those costs, organizers are insisting that only moldy potatoes and phone books from 2003 get tossed at children's heads this year.

OK, I made that last part up. Sweet treats are the reason my pants may not fit next year, but they have nothing to do with the parade. No, the real culprit is a lack of entries. Seems that not many people want to put together a float and if there aren't more participants, the parade may go the way of dodos, passenger pigeons and productive Minnesota legislative sessions and become extinct.

Losing this event would be a shame for West Duluth. Starting off my summer without the Memorial Day parade would be like trying to enjoy my Tappa-Keg-Inn fish fry without a lukewarm Pabst Blue Ribbon. It cannot be done.

Here's where I come in.

I've brainstormed a few ideas to get the process started for next year. Hopefully, one of these suggestions will spark your creativity and you'll run with it, not up to Skyline Parkway to dump it in a ravine with your broken blender, but to your garage to build a magnificent display that keeps this parade going for future generations of candy-loving West Duluth kids and their dentists.

Here we go ...

FLOAT IDEA NO. 1: "Mayors United." All Duluth mayors, past and present, gather together in a show of unity and hope for our city's future. It will also be wonderfully ironic when they all tumble onto Grand Avenue when the truck hits a pothole.

FLOAT IDEA NO. 2: "Ode to Summer." To herald the true start of this magical time of year, millions of mosquitoes will be spray-painted orange and carefully arranged into the shape of a giant road construction cone.

FLOAT IDEA NO. 3: "Jay Fosle's Goatee." One man. One bewitching collection of facial hair. Both representing the 5th district with pride. (Fun Fact: the goatee does sit in for Councilor Fosle at agenda sessions.)

FLOAT IDEA NO. 4:: "Channel 3." Just grab some friends and hop on a flat bed for a free ride to celebrity town! No one will question it because no one watches Channel 3.

FLOAT IDEA NO. 5: "Tall Floats." Take every entry in the parade and stack them up as high as they'll go. Then park the whole thing next to Lake Superior, stick a rubber duck on top and charge people a hundred bucks to look at it.

FLOAT IDEA NO. 6: Four words: Giant. Inflatable. Barbara. Reyelts.

You're welcome, West Duluth.

Brian Matuszak is the founder of Rubber Chicken Theater and invites you to follow him and his theater company on Twitter at twitter.com/rchickentheater, like them on Facebook at Rubber Chicken Theater, and visit their website at RubberChickenTheater.com. This year he vows not to shove too many small children aside to fill his pockets with parade candy. If he spies any Dubble Bubble, however, all bets are off.

Brian Matuszak

Brian Matuszak is the founder of Rubber Chicken Theater and invites you to follow him and his theater company on Twitter at twitter.com/rchickentheater, like them on Facebook at Rubber Chicken Theater and visit their website at RubberChickenTheater.com.

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