Brian's serious this week. April Fool!
So the Duluth Entertainment Convention Center just finished up another round of Businesses-Crammed-Into-Every-Nook-And-Cranny-Of-The-Facility-That-Have-Tenuous-Connections-To-Your-House-But-They-Loaded-You-Up-With-Free-Pencils-And-Tootsie-Rolls-So-It's-All-Good. Or, as it's more commonly referred to, the Home Show.
If you hadn't heard, there was an Anne Frank display among the exhibitors this year, which seemed kind of odd to me. I mean, what possible connection could Anne Frank have to the Home Show? Building a bigger hiding space in your attic? Constructing that perfect display case for your diary? But then it occurred to me ... It had to be an April Fool's joke. Way to go, DECC! Nice to see you still have a sense of humor after 50 years. (I bet that also explains why you're bringing in a gigantic rubber duck this summer to float next to ships that are really, really tall. Hilarious!)
I love this time of year. April Fool's Day is like a giant Get Out of Jail Free card. Only instead of jail, you get out of being punished for pulling moronic stunts. You just have to shout APRIL FOOL! and you are forgiven for any juvenile prank your brain withdraws from your middle-school memory bank.
Wanna put a whoopee cushion on Darren Danielson's chair, Channel 10 Sports Guy? Go for it! (Welcome back, everybody! But you'd better switch to Fox right away. This'll be the only time they don't stink worse than us. Phew! Excuse you, Double D!)
Have an urge to replace the inside of Don Ness' books with some "illustrations" from the sealed magazines in the back of the store, Barnes & Noble book signing event coordinator? Feel free! (Wow, Mister Mayor. Looks like Homegrown has changed quite a bit from last time I attended.)
Eager to flex even more of your power over the public, Silver Bay city councilor? Now's the time! (Why stop at Bent Paddle? From this day forward, nothing angled, contorted, curved or hooked will be allowed in our community! Pretzels must be straight and fishermen must poke at muskies with tiny steel sticks!)
However, I want to assure all of my Budgeteer readers that I will not be taking part in these April Fool shenanigans, tomfooleries or any other silly words. It's beneath the dignity of a weekly columnist who wears a floppy chicken hat and makes fun of Proctor.
Plus, I don't have the time. I have to oversee the opening of the Norshor Theater. Can you believe it? That majestic, historic arts and entertainment venue is finally ready to open.
Brian Matuszak is the founder of Rubber Chicken Theater and invites you to follow him and his theater company on Twitter at twitter.com/rchickentheater, like them on Facebook at Rubber Chicken Theater and visit their website at RubberChickenTheater.com. He wants to thank the good people of Proctor for tolerating all his good-natured ribbing over the years and he can’t wait to open this jar of peanuts they sent him as a gesture of goodwill.