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With a new year come new random thoughts

So we are now a week into the new year and I think I can safely say that 2016 is a catastrophe. Where are the flying cars? The peanut-butter cups that unwrap themselves? Why am I not a millionaire yet? THIS IS THE YEAR I'M SUPPOSED TO BE A MILLIONAIRE!!! And that reminds me .... I'm supposed to have more patience! MY RESOLUTION WAS TO HAVE MORE PATIENCE! AND TO STOP TYPING IN CAPITAL LETTERS!! AND TO USE LESS PUNCTUATION!! WHY HASN'T THAT HAPPENED!!!?????!!!!??!!!?!?!?!?!?!

And yet, much like the smell after a Proctor City Council taco party, there's a bit of hope lingering in the air. Let's take a breath (quickly), sit back and prepare to give the rest of these 350-plus days an opportunity to bring 2016 back from the drecks of despair with a few Random Thoughts that have already managed to weave their way into my brain.

2016 Random Thoughts (so far):

• I see the ice sculptor guy is back in Superior. Well, at least something is being built over there.

• Either Bayfront Festival Park had another super-loud concert last night or the neighborhood squirrels got Garage Band for Christmas.

• Forgot to put out the New Year's Eve recyclables for pickup, so I improvised. Now my Aunt Linda has a lovely wind chime made out of empty vodka bottles and take-home boxes from Pizza Luce.

• For the first time ever, Duluth has a woman mayor. However, it is the third Duluth mayor named "Emily."

• Other jobs former Mayor Don Ness turned down to start his own business: salsa instructor (both the dance and the condiment), George Clooney stunt double, SpongeBob SquarePants stunt double, shovel sidewalks for a nickel.

• It seems Spielberg and Lucas have discovered the Twin Ports music scene and there's a ton of Hollywood buzz surrounding our local musicians. A couple of ideas I have heard tossed around: "Low Wars: The Sparhawk Awakens," "Fifty Mumbles of Charlie Parr" and "Trampled by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."

• Now that winter has finally arrived in the Northland, I better get my snow pants back from Barbara Reyelts.

• And that reminds me ... I also borrowed a set of lightweight cotton cloths from Superior Mayor Bruce Hagen but they were ruined by my friend, a Beatle impersonator named Richard who sings with a patriotic band. Better clean that up before the mayor posts something on Facebook ... uh oh ... too late!

"Unbelievable! My muslin partners have been destroyed by the Fab Rick of Democracy."

Brian Matuszak is the founder of Rubber Chicken Theater and invites you to follow him and his theater company on Twitter at twitter.com/rchickentheater, like them on Facebook at Rubber Chicken Theater and visit their website at RubberChickenTheater.com. He is very excited for the arrival of the Fleet Farm up in Hermantown because his pigs and chickens are too slow.

Brian Matuszak

Brian Matuszak is the founder of Rubber Chicken Theater and invites you to follow him and his theater company on Twitter at twitter.com/rchickentheater, like them on Facebook at Rubber Chicken Theater and visit their website at RubberChickenTheater.com.

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