Brian's year in rear view
So another year is drawing to a close, and with it comes the opportunity for some soul-searching and reflection. Did you do everything in your power during the past 365 days to be a decent human being? Were you able to inspire someone who was down on their luck and help them reach their full potential? And, most importantly, were you able to correctly guess how many Duluth potholes would get filled?
Well, I've been sorting through the pockets of my 2015 Prediction Pants and, as usual, I rocked my annual prognostications. For example, I wrote down "one" for the aforementioned pothole question, so I was only off by one.
And how about these?
DON NESS WILL DEFINITELY RUN FOR MAYOR AGAIN.
You'll note I didn't say it had to be for Duluth's mayor. In fact, Dinkytown and Bentleyville are currently without political leadership. Just sayin' ...
WE WON'T HEAR A PEEP FROM BAYFRONT FESTIVAL PARK ALL YEAR.
Technically, it wasn't the park that was blaring 5,000 decibels of fake Led Zeppelin after the city curfew. I say I got this one right on the money.
SOMEONE IS GOING TO SPOIL THE NEW STAR WARS MOVIE FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
Won't be me. I'm not the kind of guy who reveals that Darth Vader shot Bambi's mother.
DARTH VADER SHOT BAMBI'S MOTHER.
Could you believe that? Wow! Didn't see that coming at all!
DULUTH SCHOOL BOARD MEMBERS WILL BE PRODUCTIVE.
Dang it. First misstep.
KWIK TRIP WILL OPEN ONE OR TWO MORE STORES IN THE TWIN PORTS.
Same as last year, that's a typo. I had one or two "kajillion" written down but my bag of milk exploded and it's hard to read. This one goes in the "correct" column.
THE NORSHOR THEATER WILL OPEN.
I hate to keep bringing up technicalities, but there's a hole behind the marquee where the pigeons, rats, Donald Trump and other vermin sneak in, so the place is definitely open.
That's the last scrap of paper hiding in this year's Prediction Pants, so until December 2016, I'll see you ... uh oh, wait a second. Here's one more, tucked neatly into the rear pocket.
THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS WILL HANDILY BEAT THE GREEN BAY PACKERS.
Well, this is clearly the gag guess.
Brian Matuszak is the founder of Rubber Chicken Theater and invites you to follow him and his theater company on Twitter at twitter.com/rchickentheater, like them on Facebook at Rubber Chicken Theater, and visit their website at RubberChickenTheater.com. This year’s holiday show is entitled “Banning Around the Christmas Tree, or, The Last Noel of Don Ness.” Final performance is New Year’s Eve at 7:30 p.m. in the Fitger’s Spirit of the North Theater. Call (218) 213-2780 for tickets.