Weather Forecast


Brian’s sort-of farewell column

So this week marks my last column for the Budgeteer. Yes, these will be the very last words of mine to appear in this particular newspaper. Well, not these words. The final word will be the one at the end of this column. Feel free to skip ahead if you can’t wait to see what it is. I’ll be here when you get back ...

Dum, dum, dum.

How are you? Good. Me, too.

Hmmm, hmmm, hmmmm.

Awful lot of weather we’ve been having.

Dum, dum, dum ...You’re back! Well, what’d you think? Pretty profound, right? I thought so and I haven’t even typed it yet.

Since things are wrapping up, I’d like to take a minute to acknowledge a few of the people who’ve helped me with this column over the years. Plus, I have a 500-word minimum or I don’t get paid. So I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really need to say thanks.

To all my editors, past and present: Matt Perrine, Naomi Yaeger and Richard Thomas, you all helped me grow, not only as a column writer but also as a humor column writer. It’s not easy to craft jokes in the first place, but trying to do it on a weekly basis can be as challenging as (NOTE TO EDITOR: AS USUAL, PLEASE MAKE UP A PROCTOR JOKE AND PLACE IT HERE). Your professionalism and dedication to making the Budgeteer the best newspaper it could possibly be was appreciated by me and this entire community.

To former Duluth News Tribune Executive Editor Robin Washington: You took the time to reach out and have me explain to you why certain punchlines were funny and, believe it or not, I did appreciate that. Sometimes you even came up with a better joke for which I could take all the credit and those are the moments I miss most of all. Especially right about now.

Lastly, but certainly not leastly, to all you faithful readers: Your kind words of encouragement and support for this column over the years have made dashing down some random blurbs about Proctor at the last possible second right before deadline totally worth it. I appreciate each and every one of you, even the crazy person who writes those “burn in hell” letters every couple of months.

This column will be moving to the new Western Weekly and Eastern Observer and I hope you’ll keep checking it out. Don’t worry about missing something if you get one paper but not the other; the same column will appear in both publications. I simply couldn’t choose one part of Duluth over the other; every acre of this town is silly. We’re like Proctor in that regard, but with less karaoke.

Once again, thank you all. It’s been a pleasure doing funny business with you.

Brian Matuszak

Brian Matuszak is the founder of Rubber Chicken Theater and invites you to follow him and his theater company on Twitter at, like them on Facebook at Rubber Chicken Theater and visit their website at